Winston Churchill is …. a carrot?? (Life as we know it…

…. has ceased to make sense. In every conceivable way. )

This here is a passage from Charles Seife’s Zero – and I’m absolutely certain that even the most passionate math-haters can appreciate this section here.

Perhaps we have been seriously underestimating one thing in all our lives.. that thing would be the zero.

 

 

Proof that Winston Churchill is a carrot!

“Let a and b each be equal to 1. Since a and b are equal,

b^2 = ab                  (equation 1)

Since a equals itself, it is obvious that

a^2 = a^2                 (equation 2)

Subtract equation 1 from equation 2. This yields

a^2 – b^2 = a^2 – ab             (equation 3)

We can factor both sides of the equation; a^2 – ab equals a(a – b). Likewise, a^2 – b^2 equals (a + b) (a – b). (Nothing fishy is going on here. This statement is perfectly true. Plug in numbers and see for yourself!) Substituting into equation 3, we get

(a + b) (a – ) = a(a – b)          (equation 4)
 
So far, so good. Now divide both sides of the equation by (a – b) and we get 
 
a + b = a                             (equation 5)
 
Subtract a from both sides and we get
 
b = 0                             (equation 6)
 
But we set b to 1 at the very beginning of this proof, so this means that
 
1 = 0                             (equation 7)
 
This is an important result. Going further, we know that Winston Churchill has one head. But one equals zero by the last equation, so that means that Winston has no head. Likewise, Churchill has zero leafy tops, therefore he has one leafy top. Multiplying both sides of equation 7 by 2, we see that
 
2 = 0                    (equation 8)
 
Churchill has two legs, therefore he has no legs. Churchill has two arms, therefore he has no arms. Now multiply equation 7 by Winston Churchill’s waist size in inches. This means that
 
(Winston’s waist size) = 0            (equation 9)
 
This means that Winston Churchill tapers to a point. Now, what color is Winston Churchill? Take any beam of light that comes from him and select a photon. Multiply equation 7 by the wavelength, and we see that
 
(Winston’s photon’s wavelength) = 0         (equation 10)
 
But multiplying equation 7 by 640 nanometers, we see that 
 
640 = 0                                            (equation 11)
 
Combining equations 10 and 11, we see that
 
(Winston’s photon’s wavelength) = 640 nanometers
 
This means that this photon – or any other photon that comes from Mr.Churchill – is orange. Therefore Winston Churchill is a bright shade of orange. 
 
To sum up, we have proved, mathematically, that Winston Churchill has no arms and no legs; instead of a head, he has a leafy top; he tapers to a point; and he is bright orange. Clearly, Winston Churchill is a carrot. (There is a simpler way to prove this. Adding 1 to both sides of equation 7 gives the equation
 
2 = 1
 
Winston Churchill and a carrot are two different thigns, therefore they are one thing. But that’s not nearly as satisfying.)
What is wrong with this proof? There is only one step that is flawed and that is the one where we go from equation 4 to equation 5. We divide by a – b. But look out. Since a and b are both equal to 1, a – b = 1 – 1 = 0. We have divided by zero, and we get the ridiculous statement that 1 = 0. From there we can prove any statement in the universe, whether it is true or false. The whole framework of mathematics has exploded in our faces. 
Used unwisely, zero has the power to destroy logic.”
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